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More shitstorm columns by Paul Ladewski

Despising Ladewski to the max

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Journalistic idols are pretty hard to find these days. So hard, in fact, that it can’t be expressed in similes.

Tuesday, I was able to strike another from my list.

His name is Paul Ladewski, a hack masquerading as a “sportswriter” and a “humor columnist” for Chicago’s Daily Southtown, who announced in his column that he hated the Minnesota Twins and proceeded to use vague blanket statements to support his stance.

As far as Ladewski’s opinion goes, I respect it. I even welcome it, because that’s what rivalries are about. Unfortunately, he has used the Jayson Stark method of humorless writing to drive his point home and take unnecessary jabs at the Twinks. And since, despite being roughly one twelfth his age, I will use my superior writing skills to put his theories to pasture, where mounds of BS belong:

The Twins do NOT play dirty.

I love how Torii Hunter’s hit on Jamie Burke is brought up every time Southsiders talk about why they hate the Twins. It’s reason enough, sure, but it was a clean play. Everyone from Harold Reynolds down to Ozzie Guillen said so. In fact, Guillen went out of his way to praise Hunter, saying he wished his players took the field with that kind of intensity.

It’s also interesting to note that this is the only play that anyone can ever come up with to cite the Twins with unsportsmanlike conduct. If someone comes up with another documented example of so-called “dirty play” I’ll listen. But generic statements like “OH NOEZ!11!2 HE SLID IN W/ HIS SPIKEZ OUT” don’t count towards that total.

As far as Pierzynski and his leg-in-front-of-the-plate concoction, I don’t know if we can consider that. After all, AJ isn’t exactly the most credible source; he’s Major League Baseball’s equivalent of a micro-regional sports reporter of, if you will. Even if it were true though, isn’t that what catchers are supposed to do? Protect the plate? I thought so. But then I haven’t been in the newspaper business as long as Mr. Ladewski, and maybe in the old days catchers let runners score at will.

The Metrodome.

I’d call the place a dump too, and I frequently do. The problem is, what does the likeability of a stadium have to do with the likeability of the team itself? If they are joined at the hip, like you suggest, the Yankees would be the most beloved sports team in history. Of course we know this isn’t true. Also, keep the Metrodome in mind, as I’ll come back to it later.

Name recognition?

This has got to be the worst excuse ever contrived for disliking a sports team. What does this have to do with anything?

Quick, name two White Sox besides Guillen and Frank Thomas. By the way, Magglio doesn’t count.

Sure, it may be easy for you; you do have the boxscores sitting at your desk, most likely. (That’s assuming the Southtown even thought you worthy of desk space.) But for the non-fans who could only name Hunter and Johan Santana from the current Twins squad, the Big Hurt might be the only White Sock on the roster that gets named. Plus, he’ll probably be in the DL all year anyway.

Besides, when did name recognition start equaling success? Did it start when the 2002 Anaheim Angels’ stable of household names such as Scott Spiezio, John Lackey and the brothers Molina knocked off the Yankee roster of nobodies like Jeter, Posada, Rivera, Williams and Soriano?

As for your vile contraction comment, the Twins are very well supported in their hometown, and the only reason they have trouble cracking two million fans in a season is because of the Metrodome. I guarantee you that if we had an outdoor ballpark, the Twins would consistently outdraw the White Sox. Similarly, if Chicago had the Dome instead of the Cell, I’d put my life on the Sox having even more dismal attendance numbers than they get now.

Now on to your “poll”: even the tiniest bit of Googling on your part would have disproved your opinion. High school sports is definitely tops here, mostly because that way we don’t have to deal with sniveling out-of-town reporters with bad cases of sour grapes. Following closely is the Vikings, with the leading television ratings in the region, and the Twins, who are a close second in ratings. The Twins were even watched by more people on their 2005 ESPN season opener than all other regional sports and NASCAR combined.

The Twins can compete in big games.

See, you have to be able to actually get to the big games on order to lose them. The only reason the Twins came home 1-1 instead of 2-0 last year was because Joe Nathan was on the mound for three innings. And Lord knows that a White Sox closer has never blown a save, if you don’t count Takatsu, Marte, Koch, Foulke….

I’d welcome your three strikes policy for the playoffs though; I’d like to see the Tribe in the LDS.

The whining of the White Sox

The White Sox players seem to make a habit out of bitching about the Twins from the left side of their mouths while washing their hands of said bitching with the right side. Mark Buehrle was a prime example last year; making noise about Hunter mouthing off after the Twins clinched at the Cell last year, and then saying something to the effect that the wins should enjoy their extra week of baseball. What Buehrle fails to understand is that what 162 games are played for, that chance for another week, and if that’s the way he truly feels about playoff baseball then he has no business wearing a Major League uniform.

As for Hunter’s and Jacque Jones’ supposed bat flips, how is that any different from Sammy Sosa’s hop, Miguel Tejada pointing at the sky, or the number of players that slow down and watch the glide of a well-hit home run? Oh, and attacking Gardenhire’s career homer total was pretty classy. Of course you have room to talk because of your lofty stats… oh, wait: according to MLB.com and ESPN you’ve never even played an inning in the big leagues, much less actually hit a jack against Major League pitching. But I guess having a horrible haircut is a justifiable substitute for pro baseball experience.

There, I feel better already. I dislike you, and your lack of journalistic skill.

Now excuse me while I watch a team that actually plays as a team.

Ehren Stemme can be reached at admin@ehrenstemme.com.
The original column by Paul Ladewski can be found here.